i want...

i dont know where it went or how i lost it. i dont know if i can have it back. i want it back but i dont know where it is. i dont know anything anymore...all i know is i want my life back...but i wish i knew which life it is i miss so much.

AimLeSSly

during the day there is no fight
i am moving aimlessly around
but loneliness sinks in at night
i am lost and never found

short and brief but non ending
no words of closeness
never got the message i'm sending
no chance of happiness

with time running out
and life moving on
the words i cannot shout
soon all will be gone

truth never present
ill continue to wander
many things i resent
....lost forever

"Because I didn't have to pretend to be anything other than who I am when I was with him. I don't believe that stuff about finding your other half, but I do believe that what you look for is someone who makes you a better person when you're with them, who changes you for the better, who makes you the best person you can possibly be."

the above is a quote from a book...Mr. Maybe that described one of my relationships to a tee. I decided to go to the other extreme and ended up having feelings for someone who did not make me want to be better. Looking for his other half...but a hypocrite the entire time.

Sorry Your Parents Are Getting Divorced Cake...?

One of my friends just found out that her parents are getting a divorce and she has been really bummed lately. So my other friend, Kirsten, wanted to cheer her up. Well what makes everyone happy?...you guessed it a DQ ICE CREAM CAKE. But the best part of the whole thing was the message she had them put on it...and they didn't even make a face...which I find hilarious...how many people get a cake that says "sorry your parents are getting divorced"? Oh well it is Washington, PA I am sure they have had weirder requests than that. I mean where else can you get a cake with a deer hunting scene or a large trout on it...yep you guessed it here in washpa...where the townies are creative! Well here are two pics of the cake...it was great!

Phobias/ OCD Behaviors

1. Showers - Can't touch the walls and I have to wear shoes in my dorm room shower...the germs just freak me out
2. Picnic Tables - Dirty...I just can't eat off them...another germ phobia
3. Dishes/Silverware/Cups - in the cafeteria I have to make sure there is nothing on them...and I can not take the plate or bowl off the top
4. Public Restrooms - Can't touch the door handle after I wash my hands...if I have to it kills me (I use my pinky)
5. Restrooms in general - even at friend's houses I either have to wipe the seat down or put toilet paper down as a protetive shield
6. Stairs/Walking - I count stairs when walking up them and sometimes I count the number of steps I take in each section of the sidewalk...I have to end on an even number

Top 10 Pet Peeves

10. People who don't wash their hands in restrooms when your standing RIGHT there.
09. People who put salt on everything without tasting it or who take the liberty and salt the food your sharing
08. People who interrupt your story to tell their own and it makes no sense anyways
07. People who talk entirely way to loud ALL THE TIME (dad)
06. Fake Coach purses...hate it!
05. People who are PDA maniacs
04. Tattoos on necks and breasts (especially when it is a name or a rose)
03. Parents who have their children on LEASHES
02. When you ask for LOTS of ketchup and they give you three packets
01. People who don't park inbetween the lines and you can't get into your damn car!

Senior-itis

Well I only have about a month left of school and I can not seem to get motivated to do anything! The weather here is in the 60 and I just want to sit outside all day. Tonight Kirsten and I made a midnight run to WalMart to get popsicles and lofthouse cookies...it was a much needed sugar break. All I have to say is there are some interesting people at the WalMart at midnight. I do not have anything new to add it has been pretty boring around here. I will blog another night when I can think of a better topic.

Here it is...

إن شاء الله

The above means In šaʾ Allāh or "God Willing" in Arabic...I think it is going to be my new tattoo. I have been wanting it for some time now...I am getting ansy and want it THIS WEEK! I think I will have Lisa take me. I want it on my foot but I am afraid it is going to hurt like hell. Oh well...I know some (Sabra) don't want me to get another but I think I am going to do it!

Well I read Mr. Maybe and loved it...crazy how it described my love life to a tee. I can't wait to have you read it Sabra...you'll like the few R rated parts it does have. I want to start the next book I have...The Other Boleyn Girl but it will take me so long because I have so much school work. Oh well I will get through it so Sabra can have it back.