Spring Break '08

Lisa and I went to San Diego and then Yuma for Spring Break this year. It was a great trip...here are some of our highlights:
1.Lisa got stuck on the plane next to a man with BAD b.o and he thought he knew EVERYTHING
2.Then Lisa sat in front of the man that vomited and passed out...he needed oxygen for most of the flight
3.Our first glorious hotel was next to the World Famous Nuddie Bar in SD (see pic)
4.When we checked into that hotel the door to our room was left WIDE open...the front desk man said..."Oh the maid musta left it open...don't worry"
5.Public Transportation in SD
6.The man snoring insanely loud in the middle of the Grey Hound Bus Station
7.The man sitting behind us on the bus that just got out of jail
8.Bobby sawing off his ears
9.Sabra and I finally saw Kite Runner and CRIED ALOT
10.Bobby on the saddle at the Road House
11.Spilling water on gma at Chretins
12.Maverick thinking he's Jack Sparrow and wacking everyone with a sword
13.Maverick in general...

I am sure there will be more to come as I thik of them...

My Own Guilty Pleasures

In response to Sabra's blog I made my own list. We were debating as to what qualifies something as a guilty pleasure...this is what we came up with...something you enjoy but do secretly. So here is my list!
1. Nip/Tuck...I know it has turned into a soft core porn/soap opera but I can not stop watching it religiously
2. Victoria's Secret....not the fact that I buy it but mostly how much of it I do own...all the way from bras and panties to eye shadow and flip flops...I just can't stop
3. I as well share the Oreo guilt as my sister does...I can eat an entire sleeve without batting an eye
4. Shopping obviously...I have been called a shopaholic by many...but the catch here is I use it when I am feeling down....it is my RETAIL THERAPY
5. OK...most know this about me but I am a nudist...much like the Downing side...I can not be dressed while getting ready...clothes are too restricting
6. Every Friday evening Lisa and I purchase a Hot 'N Ready and devour it...sometimes even an order of bread sticks makes its way home with us...who could resist for only $9
7. PJs....the second I walk in the door my jeans are off and I am in my pajamas...even if it is 2 in the afternoon...this also goes along with the restrictiveness of clothes
8. DQ runs at 10:45 at night....right before they close...nothing beats an Oreo blizzard with PB and mocha syrup right before bed
9. I have not done this in a while but I loved coming home late from work and sitting with Sabra...snaking(Jack in the Box egg roles and curly fries) while we watched QVC...you have to watch QVC in pairs or else you become weak...she called once and told me she almost bought luggage and something else but I can't remember what...I can't wait for our late nights this summer!

Crazy Week

This week has been long and stressful...I just completed the last midterm of four...I don't think I have ever had a midterm in every class. I also had an oral presentation, but that went well of course. Anyways...Bill Clinton came to our school and against my will I went...Rosie has the pictures and I will get them up as soon as I can. I knew grandma would be jealous that I went since she is a big Clinton fan...well last time I checked she was. That day Lisa was also peeing bright easter egg dye orange because of the medicine she is on...a picture of that will be on here as well. And last but not least we tried to cook a pizza and for some weird reason the edges curled up and the bottom was burnt....we had a black pizza bowl for dinner. Thanks goodness Mike cook for us the next night...stuff pork chops....YUMMY and I don't even like pork chops. Well now I am being a nanny for the weekend and then Lisa and I are off to San Diego and Yuma for Spring Break...YEAH FOR MEXICAN FOOD & THE SUN!

BettyBlogHead

It is amazing how one little comment can mess up your whole night. The being alone part had not hit me till this evening...petchell said it eventually would. Well I guess tonight was the night. My love life may be in the shitter but tonight it seems like my whole life is in there. I have always felt the need to be "connected" to someone at all times. That is why I do not ever think I could be alone. I have not had to be either. But since I have made some changes it is inevitable. I want to be stronger...but I can't...at least not right now. I need the constant reminder that I am important to someone somewhere at all times. This isn't how it should be though...I need to be me and be happy about it...I just thought that it would be a little different.
As for my sissy's blog...I loved it. I do not agree on one thing though...well partially. I do agree that a regret means it is probably something that we should not want to do again because....hello that is why we call it a regret. But I do not "regret" doing any of my mistakes...sure they weren't the best thing to do but...I believe they have shaped and molded me into the person I am today. I attribute alot of my good qualities to the bad times I inflicted upon myself.
As for mom...I really am sorry we had to fight today...do you know how upsetting it is to hear that it really doesn't matter if you parents see you or not. I just thought that I would always have my family and friends around even if John was not. I guess I was wrong. I know that you think I am slipping back but I am not. I am looking for and finding that perfect medium were I can keep up with school yet not stress myself so I do not have a blow out. I hope you can read this and take comfort in knowing that I am a different person now who is much more self aware. I am not going to tell you again that I am fine,not to worry, and that I am not going back to my old ways...I feel that if you do not believe me yet (after may discussion about this) then you will never believe so I will cease trying. I hope you realize that what I wanted out of spring break was a chance to get away from school with my best friend and come see my family...why else would I spend it in Yuma. I am at a period in my life where I am constantly needing to be around people to get through it. Though you'd have gotten that. I do love you...sorry I get angry.
Finally the best for last. I heard today that my niece Mallory is a munchkin in Wizard of Oz at school and that my other niece Sydney has finally become a math wizard at school. I am so proud of all that they do. I love them so much and can not wait to see them. I do believe it is because they have the best mother...my sissy!

?s @ 12 am

How is it that two people can interact on such a deep level at times yet be so blind as to what is developing between them?

Why can't we just say what we think and mean it...all the time?

What makes someone unable to be alone?

.....hmmmm

It's time to turn and head the other way
There are still many things I have yet to say
My fear is I'll never know what might have been
But hopefully at the least I have found a friend

My emotions stir and keep me up at night
Creating delusions that cloud my sight
I want to hold you and make sure we'll be together
Although these are my hopes I know much better


I am tired and I am slow, darkness comsuming vast quantities of my life. When will I break free and be just me? Will it ever happen? Am I strong enough?

I am confused, nothing makes sense. The words and actions completely contradict. I am too hung up, but on what? On who? Is there really a future or am I just refusing to let go of something that could and should never be?

It is best this way I have a future that does not go with yours. I would have loved to make a life together. But I still have much growing up to do. If we cross each other's paths again hopefully we can see that something is still there. It is best to end it now and remember what we had...until I am happy being just joan I can't be just yours.

1:04 am

Well it is 1:04 am, I have two midterms tomorrow and I have yet to even feel tired. The last week or so has consumed all of my resources...emotionally and physically. I am wishing Spring Break was this week (even though I have no plans...as of yet). I have never "blogged," I usually use this for updates. But what the hell its 1 am and I'm all hyped up on Pepsi...Lisa and I had a Little Caesar's Hot-N-Ready run quite late tonight. But ANYWAYS...I am at the point where I do not know what to do...about anything. Why can't all the pieces fit like I had planned on them to? I was reading through some stuff I wrote and I found this...I still feel the same yet the ending doesn't seem right anymore...like it is not the right way to end it and so I added the last three lines.

I am tired and unhappy
I am exhausted and relieved
I am saddened and lonely
I am things I cannot believe

I am hollow and empty
I am full yet unfulfilled
I am angry and scared
I have lost my driving will

I am not at peace nor happy
I am not a perfect dream
I am not something I like
I am not anything I seem

Inside is a constant battle
One I know I cannot win
To surrender and be donw with it
Would be the ultimate sin

To make it to the end
I need a ray of light
Something to push me furter
To help me win this fight

God listened to my prayers
And has helped me make it through
He also sent me help
And that miracle is you

But people come and people go
Should we be together
I really do not know

The New Doo

Here is my new hair...I had enough to donate the rest of it! Hope you likes.